Memento Mori: Using Mortality Awareness as a Guide for Better Living

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Mar 7, 2025

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memento-mori-using-mortality-as-life-compass

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Published

Three Ways People Think About Death

There are typically three ways people approach the concept of mortality:

1. Fear and Avoidance

This is probably the most common reaction. Many people are afraid of death or try to ignore it completely. They either live as if they'll be here forever or are terrified by the thought of no longer existing.

Naturally, many young people rarely contemplate death in their daily lives. They feel invincible, as if mortality is something that only affects others or waits far in the future. However, when directly confronted with the concept, fear often emerges—the fear of simply ceasing to exist, of losing all connection with loved ones, of becoming... nothing.

2. Death as Escape

The second perspective views death as a release or escape. This might stem from mental health struggles or experiencing tremendous suffering.

This isn't always negative. For those suffering from terminal illness or unbearable pain, seeing death as a release can be understandable. I personally support voluntary euthanasia in certain circumstances, though that's a topic for another discussion.

3. Indifferent but Informed

This is the perspective I want to focus on because I think it's often overlooked when we talk about death.

Being "indifferent" doesn't mean not caring. Rather, it means accepting death as an inevitable reality—just as we accept that the sun will rise tomorrow or that the moon may or may not be visible tonight. These natural phenomena occur regardless of our feelings about them.

Death will come regardless of our feelings toward it. So why not approach it with the same pragmatism we apply to the sunrise? Just as we plan our days around the certainty of dawn, we can structure our lives with an awareness of their finite nature.

Using Mortality as a Prioritization Tool

Consider those everyday irritations: someone cuts you off in traffic, a colleague makes a cutting remark, or someone behaves in ways that contradict your expectations. These incidents wound our ego and trigger powerful emotional responses.

We can choose to let these emotions consume us—to such an extent that when our children later seek our attention, we remain unable to engage joyfully because we're still seething with resentment.

My Personal Experience at Work

In professional settings, we inevitably encounter difficult people who, through seniority or organizational inertia, hold positions of power. Despite our best efforts to address situations diplomatically, these individuals sometimes seem determined to create conflict and provoke anger.

I used to be significantly affected by these encounters. Now, I simply ask myself: "On my deathbed, will I care about this conflict?" Almost invariably, the answer is a clear "No." This simple question immediately puts workplace tensions in perspective and helps me maintain my composure and focus on what truly matters.

Or we can use mortality awareness as a prioritization mechanism. If we remember that our time is limited, suddenly it becomes clear what deserves our attention.

Just as today will end and tomorrow will begin, our lives too have a finite span. Knowing this, shouldn't we focus on being great partners, parents, and community members rather than clinging to petty grievances?

The Ancient Practice of "Memento Mori"

There's a powerful story about the Roman Emperors Marcus Aurelius and Lucius Verus. After winning a war, they returned to Rome for a celebratory parade. As people cheered "Hail Caesar," slaves stood beside them in their carriages whispering, "Memento Mori"—remember your mortality.

Today, I carry this reminder with me in the form of a coin. On one side it says "Memento Mori" (remember you will die), and on the other "Memento Vivere" (remember to live). This physical reminder helps me stay grounded when emotions threaten to carry me away.

This physical reminder helps me stay grounded when emotions threaten to carry me away. When I feel myself getting worked up over something trivial, I often reach into my pocket and feel the weight of this coin, reminding me of what truly matters in the grand scheme of life.

The Near-Death Perspective Without the Near-Death Experience

We've all heard accounts of people transformed by near-death experiences. After confronting their mortality, they begin exercising regularly, improving their diet, treating others more compassionately, and reorganizing their priorities around what genuinely matters.

But here's a crucial insight: we needn't wait for a traumatic event to adopt this perspective.

We can cultivate this awareness intentionally, through deliberate practice and reflection. You don't need to experience a heart attack or survive a car accident to appreciate life's preciousness and fragility.

A Simple Exercise in Mortality Awareness

Here's something you can do today: sit down with your phone's voice recorder or a notebook and imagine you've just survived a serious accident. The doctor has operated on you, and now you have time to reflect.

Ask yourself:

Am I content with how I'm currently living?

Is this the best use of my one chance at life?

What would I change if I truly understood how precious each day is?

Could I exercise more, spend more time with loved ones, or be more present as a parent/partner/friend?

From Quick-Tempered to Equanimous

My wife can attest to the profound change in my temperament. I used to be someone who got angry easily—even minor slights would sour my mood for hours. Today, that person is gone. I've become much more centered and find emotional balance with far greater ease.

This mortality-aware approach has crystallized my priorities. By regularly contemplating the finite nature of life, I've learned to elevate what truly matters and let trivial annoyances fade into the background. This transformation hasn't just increased my personal happiness—it has dramatically enhanced all my relationships.

Mortality as Clarity, Not Morbidity

Contemplating mortality in this manner isn't morbid—it's illuminating. This perspective serves as a powerful filter, helping us cut through life's noise and distractions to focus on what genuinely matters.

We are all progressing toward our end each day. Rather than fearing this reality or avoiding its contemplation, we can embrace it as a catalyst for creating a more deliberate and meaningful existence.

Your Turn to Reflect

I invite you to set aside 15 minutes today for the reflection exercise I've described. Remove all distractions, close your eyes, and vividly imagine having just confronted your mortality. Then carefully document the changes you would make to your life moving forward.

Don't rely solely on mental notes—physically write down your thoughts or record them. Then take one concrete action today that aligns with these reflections.

Remember the wisdom inscribed on my coin: Memento Mori, but equally important, Memento Vivere. Remember death awaits, but also remember to truly live while you're here.

Have you experienced perspective shifts when contemplating your own mortality? I'd love to hear your insights in the comments below.